Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Colors of this Journey

Like the pretty but common flower we call a carnation, my life is very nearly cookie cutter shaped. I was raised in a Christian home, and went to church, got saved, and was baptized at all the right times. I love God with all my heart, I obey my parents, I am a friend to those in need. All who know me speak well of me, I truly dislike no one, and am oblivious to any unkind word. My only fault is to assume all people in the world are good, and thus I am very trusting. I have very few trials; I skip through each day with bliss and happiness. My life is PINK.

After a heavy rain, it is easy to find small pools of murky brown water. Standing water, with no purpose but to mix with the dirt and mud below, is what we call a puddle. Such is my life now. Many doors are opening, like floodgates, to introduce the dirt and grime of this fallen world into my life. I am learning selfishness, and vanity. I am also learning expletives, and innuendos. In an attempt to keep my head above the flood of worldly humor and relationships, I am teaching myself to tread water with the rest. I am still seen as a “good girl” in my workplace and school, but as I allow this dirt into my life it begins to pool and settle in places I did not notice. My life is becoming bland and passionless. My nights were filled with confusion; my days, distracting jubilee. I tried not to think, because when I did, it seemed so evident to me that there was something missing, that there had to be more I hadn’t found yet. My life is BROWN.

Like in the dead of night, with no moon or stars, I have come to a place where I cannot get up, and I cannot get out. I am stuck, and completely useless as a tool for my Maker to use. I have tried on my own to escape this pit, but the more I try, the farther I slide back in. My life is BLACK.

“You’ve learned where wisdom is SUPPOSED to come from in times of need, but hasn’t it been long enough? Haven’t you tried hard enough? Why do you still stare into the darkness, looking for guidance that you’re just not good enough to get. You don’t have faith strong enough to be led by the Holy Spirit, trust me!”

When I close my eyes and search my soul I see only darkness, like I am lost in this world. Then, in the distance, I catch a glimpse of a light that is so faint I am sure I imagined it. With my hearts eyes I sought it out, squinting against the pressuring darkness to see if this flicker of light was truly there. I sit quietly, yearning for the light to come and show me the way. I see it again, and this time it remains! So small, and easily missed, it burns steadily, bringing me hope for my life. I am sure I have never seen anything quite so beautiful, even at such a great distance. As I reach out to it, the light comes nearer, and grows brighter and stronger. Warmth is covering my body and a song is rising in my heart, Hallelujah, He is coming! As the light is gaining on me, I can see a figure, from which the light is emanating. Soon I can feel myself completely enveloped in this wondrous light, and I can stand again! The way is made clear and the bondages of this world have disappeared. Without restraint, I run to my Savior, into His arms just to thank Him. I can do nothing, for I AM nothing, and yet, He loves me enough to seek me out and set me free. I am new, and full of life yet again. Monotony is gone from my sight. I do not blend in any longer! I AM WHITE.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
2 Corinthians 5:17

New Life. That is what I am. Like the small sprout in the ground, such a fresh green, needing quite a bit of growth and nurturing, pruning and rain. God has saved me and made me whole, I am His, and now I must pursue Him on my own. No longer can it be my family’s religion, or my parents faith. It is MY relationship, in which *I* must put in the effort and *I* must maintain. I am not perfect, and I am not complete, but Christ has made me holy, and the Counselor (Holy Spirit) is bringing me closer and closer to being perfect (“Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” 2 Cor 7:1). I am growing, I am changing, I am becoming more like Christ and less like the person I left in the mud puddle. I am a new creation. I am GREEN.

This is a telling of my spiritual journey, and it was not something that could be seen from the outside. I am sharing it with you in hopes that God might use it to bless you or impact your life in some way.

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